True Leaders Command Respect, Not Demand Respect

When you’re trying to lead others, prioritising the way you lead is crucial. Get it right and you build trust, loyalty, and momentum. Get it wrong and you become the punchline to someone else’s story about poor management.

This week we’re looking at what separates the leaders people respect from the ones they merely tolerate. The top tip? Focus on what matters. Don’t sweat the small stuff just to feel important. Be the leader people follow, not the one they avoid.

Why does it matter? Because the difference between a good and a poor leader isn’t always obvious in the short term—but it shows up later, in team culture, trust, performance, and stress levels.

So let’s talk about Winters, Sobel, Dingle, and an unexpected moment at a red light…

I'm A Lucky Man

A while back, I wrote a blog post about how my mate Dingle earned his spot as an extra on Band of Brothers—a role he landed by turning up to the casting in full US naval uniform and delivering a straight-to-camera monologue so stirring it made Tom Hanks nod approvingly behind a monitor. (If you missed it, you can read that post here.)

It was a little story about what Dingle and I call earned luck—how putting yourself in the right place, prepared and ready, opens doors you might otherwise never have noticed.

Anyway, fast forward a few years and Dingle’s in a very different kind of uniform. He’s now working in the Met Police and driving a squad car through Central London with two fellow officers in the car.

They stop at a red light. A cyclist pulls up alongside them.

Dingle looks over and instantly recognises the rider.

It’s Damien Lewis.

Yes, that Damien Lewis. British acting royalty. Leading roles in international hits like Homeland, Billions and Wolf Hall. And also the bloke who played Colonel Richard Winters in Band of Brothers—the very man Dingle had saluted during his time on set.

Keeping it casual, Dingle calls over and they have a brief, warm exchange.

Thirty seconds of friendly chat. A “good to see you, mate” kind of thing. The lights go green. They go their separate ways.

Enjoy The Silence

And then there’s silence.

Complete silence in the squad car. Dingle is saying nothing.

His colleagues are sitting there, stunned. Eventually, one of them just blurts out:

“Well, go on then, what the hell was that all about?! Are you seriously on first name terms with one of the biggest actors in the country?! Who even are you?!”

Let’s just say there may have been a few stronger words used than I’ve relayed here.

Dingle just shrugged. Said nothing. Kept them guessing.

Iconic behaviour, really.

But the man on the bike? The man he briefly caught up with? Let’s talk about him.

Command, Not Demand

In the words of Dingle—who, let’s be clear, once got run over by a tank for continuity reasons—he often thinks about something he heard directly from Band of Brothers veterans Bill Guarnere and Babe Heffron (Google them, it's worth it).

They were comparing Richard Winters and Herbert Sobel—the two key leaders portrayed in the show—and their very different approaches.

“Winters was all about Bullshit,” Dingle recalls they said. “Big stuff. The big decisions. The important stuff. The stuff that mattered. The stuff others avoided."

"Sobel was all about chickenshit. The small stuff. Irrelevant stuff. Stuff that made him feel important.”

The punchline?

“Do you demand or command respect?”

That’s the line that stuck with me from Guarnere and Heffron. Because we’ve all worked with or for both types of leader.

The Leader Of The Pack

There are the Winters types. Clear, calm, competent. People who don’t bark orders but lead by example.

They make tough decisions, shield their teams, and focus only on what truly matters. They inspire trust—quietly and consistently. 

And then there are the Sobels. Leaders in title only. Micromanagers. Sticklers for the irrelevant.

They confuse control with influence. They confuse being feared with being followed. And often, they make everything about them. 

This post isn’t about tearing down the Sobels of the world. It’s about not becoming one.

Bigmouth Strikes Again

In modern leadership, it’s dangerously easy to slip into the chicken-shit trap. You feel the pressure to look busy, act decisive, exert control. You want to be seen to be leading.

But real leadership is often invisible. It’s in the calm voice when the room is tense.

It’s in letting others shine. It’s in not overreacting to small things.

It’s in staying focused on the big picture—especially when everything feels urgent.

Being like Winters doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being intentional. It means holding your nerve.

And most of all, it means making your leadership about the mission, not your own ego.

If you’re in a leadership position—whether in your work, your community, or your home—ask yourself:

Am I focusing on what truly matters?

Am I leading in a way that earns trust?

Am I commanding or demanding respect?

And remember: nobody ever followed a leader just because they shouted the loudest.

The Man Who Sold The World

So what’s this week’s top tip?

Pay attention to what kind of leader you’re becoming.

Are you reacting to the small stuff because it’s easier to control, or are you taking the harder path of focusing on what really moves things forward?

Be like Winters. Calm. Grounded. Focused on the big picture.

The sort of leader who makes other people feel safer, not smaller.

This weekend, try letting go of a couple of small annoyances.

Don’t give in to the urge to correct the minor stuff just to feel in charge. Prioritise what really matters—and trust your people (workforce, friends or family) to handle the rest.

That’s the kind of leadership that endures.