Gratitude In Action

I bang on a lot about gratitude and with good reason because it's a proper double whammy of positivity.

The recipient feels recognised and valued and the giver has had opportunity to really reflect on why they're saying thank you, and so fully understands and appreciates what it is they're grateful for.

Usually I'm encouraging gratitude in response to something that's happened. Good work or a beneficial experience really should be rewarded, verbally at the very least.

A short while ago, however, I was the recipient of a completely unexpected and undeserved gift.

An Unexpected Gift

You might remember that Royal Mail advert from a few years ago - "I saw this and I thought of you" was the strapline. Well that happened to me.

Totally out of the blue a mysterious parcel landed on my doormat. Inside was a book with this note.

It's from my mum. A present for no reason whatsoever. Well, no reason other than my mum is really lovely. Obviously.

Think For A Minute

Just before Lockdown #2 my mum was in a bookshop in York city centre. She spotted a paperback that she thought I might like. She was right, I do like it.

In the 90s we both loved reading the much missed Terry Pratchett. He had wit, warmth and a wonderful eye for ludicrous characters in absurd situations. His inventive stories were drawn in a fantasy universe but pegged down by real world limitations, an ideal backdrop to showcase a vast range of human frailties. And Death.

Anyway, she was drawn to the Wit and Wisdom Of Discworld and it made her think of me. And I felt real gratitude for the gift.

We've all been in a situation like this where we spot something and it makes us think of someone. But how many of us do what my mum did and take that thought to the next level? Actually do something about it?

Gratitude In Action

She didn't just spot the book and think "Oh that's the sort of thing Iain might like".

No, she went a step further. Quite a few steps actually:

1. She purchased the book - paid for the book with real hard cash
2. She wrapped it - it's a hassle finding the paper, sellotape and scissors.
3. She wrote a note - taking the time and choosing the words to convey her thoughts
4. She labelled and stamped the parcel - "What's his postcode again? Where are the stamps? How many do I need?"
5. She walked to the postbox - did you see the weather last week?!

Okay, none of these steps are like trekking to Everest base camp but each one of them requires a degree of thought and action.

(Considering these steps really makes you recognise the (often unseen) efforts people take doesn't it?)

And what was the result?

The delivery of the parcel created a chain of events culminating in my gratitude and you reading this email.

Chain Reaction

Actually there were a few more stages between delivery and this email about gratitude:

1. intrigue - I was curious
2. surprise - I genuinely was surprised
3. gratitude - I genuinely was grateful for the gift and for the thought
4. pleasure - I'm enjoying dipping in and out of the pages
5. nostalgia - I recognise a lot of the quotes and they do take me back
6. warmth - it made me feel happy to receive the gift
7. opportunity - I felt that I should ring my mum and tell her how I felt
8. communication - we ended up having a good old natter
9. content - the experience provided me with an idea for this week's newsletter
10. reflection - like me, you might well be reflecting on who you could surprise in a small unexpected way

All of those were triggered by one short thought and the subsequent actions my mum took.

By the way, don't just sit there reading this thinking "Hmm, I really should tell X that I appreciate them."

Put your gratitude into action. Work out the steps that are needed to make that thought a reality. And then go and take those steps. It's not always obvious to us that we need to make the effort.

How Will People Know About Your Gratitude?

Coaching people in leadership positions I often find that my clients think others must somehow already know that they are appreciated.

Headteachers and business owners often tell me how brilliant their staff members are but haven't necessarily told them.

Picture yourself in this conversation:

You: "X is wonderful at doing that. Really brilliant. I'm so grateful that they work here."

Iain: "That's great to hear. Have you told them that?"

You: "Well, no but they really should know. I'm sure they do."

Iain: "How would they know for sure? You haven't told them. Are you sure they actually know you think this about them?"

You: "Erm, I think they do."

Iain: "Just to be clear, you are telling me how great they are right, but you're not sure if you've actually told them?"

You: "Hmm, they might not know."

Iain: "They need to know you think this about them. Take away the uncertainty. Make your gratitude explicit. Right, when are you going to tell them?"

I've had this sort of conversation many times with many people. How the heck can they know if you don't tell them?

Tell Laura I Love Her

We assume an awful lot. Isn't it better to be sure that they know about your gratitude because you have said the words out loud? Come on! You have to actually tell them to know that they know.

Look at the steps my mum needed to take in order to make her warm thought about me into a physical reality.

So who would appreciate being thought of by you this coming week? Maybe make it more than just a thought.

Right, I'm off to read a few pages of The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld.