Are You An Effective Communicator?

You’re mistaken if you think this post is about Communication. It’s about Effective Communication.

There's a big difference between the two.

When you listen to someone talking or you read what they've written, how do you know that you have properly understood what they mean?

And if you're the one delivering a message how do you know that the person receiving the information has properly got it?

Is Your Communication Working?

A couple of weeks ago my wife and I had some business in Epsom. This was during the day and we realised we'd still be out when our daughters returned home from school.

I texted the kids to tell them we'd be back at 4pm and that they should let themselves in to the house.

This is what I wrote:

"Be home by 4pm. Use key box."

You can probably see what's coming.

When we got back both girls were indeed at home. They both asked why they needed to be back at 4pm and why they had to change their plans to go into town with friends, (and did I know how much this had ruined their lives). And they both wanted to know if they were in trouble!

My Communication, Your Responsibility

The misunderstanding was my fault. My communication wasn’t effective.

I didn't think through my message clearly enough. I didn't read it back to myself to see how it sounded.

Looking at it now it is clear that it could be read in at least two ways.

Am I saying that they should be home by 4pm? Or am I saying that I'll be home at 4pm? It's not clear.

And because it's short it could be read as terse or cross. A stern command rather than just the information I intended. Worrying if you're a teenager perhaps.

I didn't think about how my communication would be received. It was definitely my muddy comment that caused the confusion.

Poor Communication Keeps Happening

A recurring problem you will face again and again is that there are idiots like me sending muddy messages like that all the time.

(I use the term idiot lightly but I find it can be useful if you take the stance that most people are accidental idiots. Especially myself).

We do it by text, on WhatsApp, in voicemails, in letters and most of all, in dashed off emails where we've dumped our thoughts as they were formed but then not bothered to check that the words in the email actually convey the message we were thinking of.

If you're in charge of delivering the message then don't be like me. Instead, stop, take an extra thirty seconds and read it back to yourself.

Is it effective communication? Does it convey what you want it to convey?

If You Are The Recipient

We've established that the message giver should check more carefully. But we've also established that most people are idiots (in a nice way) and therefore you can't enforce that the message giver does a decent job.

Or can you?

What I'm really telling you is that, either way, it is your responsibility to ensure clarification over a message.

I'll say that again: It is your responsibility to get clarity about the meaning of a message, regardless of whether you've given it or received it. It is up to you to ensure effective communication.

If you got that ambiguous text from me I think you should be texting back saying something like "Do you mean you want me to be home at 4pm or is that the time you are going to return?"

I'm not suggesting my daughters should have done this - they're only fifteen and twelve.

Us on the other hand? You and me? Well, we're all adults; we should take more care both crafting the information we give out and clarifying the information we get.

It's our responsibility to ensure that the communication we both give and get is effective communication.