Building Resilience For Adults

I’ve been thinking about building resilience a lot recently. Different people define it in different ways but basically resilience is the ability to get back up again and again, no matter how many times you get knocked down. (Please note my magnificent restraint in not employing Chumbawamba’s one-hit wonder as a subtitle right now.)

Learning to build your resilience is a skill. Anyone can learn and develop resilience building but it can be really helpful to learn from others who have already shown that they have the ability to bounce back.

Seeing other people who faced challenges but didn't go under or get stuck can help you cope. You can take inspiration from their stories and use it as your own resilience training and help build your own coping skills.

Build Your Resilience

Bethany Hamilton is my go-to case study for resilience. I’ve written about her before and I talk about her as an example in my new course on Building Resilience. Being a teenage surfer chick, getting your arm bitten off by a shark, and then getting back on the surfboard just a few weeks later - it’s pretty clear why she’s my ‘go-to.’ But there are loads of other great examples too.

In today’s Top Tip email, I thought I’d run through a couple of really inspiring people that we can learn from, specifically in ways to build resilience. Two iconic figures who turned adversity into triumph.

First, Eminem, the rap phenomenon who turned pain into art, and then Oprah Winfrey, the media powerhouse who built an empire on the foundations of her struggles.

Their lives couldn’t be more different, but their journeys are proof that resilience isn’t just about surviving - it’s about rewriting the rules and thriving against all odds.

Finding Your Fight

Before Eminem was the legendary Rap God we know him as now, he was simply Marshall Mathers - a kid from the wrong side of the tracks in Detroit, facing a life that could’ve easily swallowed him whole. Growing up in a turbulent household with little stability, Eminem was no stranger to poverty, bullying, and rejection.

Eminem’s not really my bag to be honest, after a whole album my ears are aching, but I do love the lyrical dexterity. And most importantly I get inspired when I see someone at the top of their game, whatever genre or industry they’re in. Especially if their story is one that involves overcoming adversity. And his does.

In a genre where he faced scepticism as a white artist, Eminem didn’t just dip his toes in; he dove headfirst into rap battles and lyricism, honing his craft in a way that left no room for doubt about his talent. The early days were filled with rejection and ridicule. To top it off, he had a daughter to raise and personal struggles that made each day a battle.

What set Eminem apart was his raw, unfiltered honesty. He didn’t just make music; he made statements—about addiction, mental health, family drama, and the struggles of life. In 1999, his breakthrough album, The Slim Shady LP, propelled him into stardom. Then tracks like Stan and albums like The Eminem Show followed, and became cultural touch-points, resonating with millions because they came from a place of brutal authenticity.

Cultivate Opportunity

If you’ve seen his biopic 8 Mile, you’ll know it’s an updated version of Rocky but fighting with words instead of fists. 8 Mile is not just a movie; it’s a powerful narrative about resilience and the struggle to manage stress in a challenging environment. Eminem’s story isn’t just about his talent; it’s about how he channelled life’s punches into poetic uppercuts. Eminem is the film's lead but the role of resilience is the real star.

Addiction, failure, and criticism might have stopped someone else, but for him, they were fuel for creative transformation. His resilience didn’t just help him survive - it helped him thrive.

What’s The Takeaway? Resilience is about using hardship as creative fuel. Like Eminem, we can turn our challenges into something that inspires and connects with others. It’s how you view your obstacles that can make the difference.

Positive Psychology Of One

I quite like it when people become so famous that you only need to refer to them by one word. Eminem gave himself that one name. Gordon Sumner and Paul Hewson, respectively Sting and Bono, did the same.

Prince, though, is actually Prince’s real name. Ditto Madonna. Robyn Fenty, however, is better known by her middle name, Rihanna. To go from two names to one is the benchmark, I reckon.

Which brings us nicely to Oprah Winfrey. Or, to give her her full one-word title: Oprah.

Using Trauma To Build Resilience

If resilience had a queen, it’d be Oprah. She embodies mindfulness,  and the ability to cope with life's challenges. More than cope - she has used her tough times as a catalyst to thrive.

Born in rural Mississippi to a single teenage mother, Oprah’s early years were marked by poverty and trauma, stress and hardship. She faced abuse, instability, and rejection—all before she was out of her teens. For most people, those experiences might have spelled a lifetime of struggle. For Oprah, they were the start of something extraordinary.

Her talent for storytelling and connection shone through early, earning her a scholarship to Tennessee State University and a foot in the broadcasting door. But even as she climbed the ladder, she faced more than her fair share of setbacks. One early gig as a news anchor ended abruptly when her bosses deemed her “unfit for TV.” (Not all feedback should be believed!)

Building an Empire Instead of giving up, Oprah leaned into her strengths: empathy, authenticity, and a natural ability to connect with people. In the mid-1980s, she was given a chance that changed her life: hosting The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Inspiring Joy In Life, Not Just Coping Skills

What came next was a cultural revolution. Oprah transformed her personal pain into a platform for healing, creating a global network of support that empowered millions to share their stories, create a sense of purpose and discover their inner strength.

While she addressed all aspects of wellbeing - physical health, mental fitness, and more - her emphasis on emotional resilience and finding purpose stood out. Oprah didn’t just help people cope; she showed them how to be resilient and inspired them to be more mindful, build strength and meaning from their struggles.

Sure, to UK tastes (well, mine at least) it can be a bit much at times, but the connections she forged are undeniable. Over the years, she didn’t just stop at talk shows. She built a media empire, launched philanthropic initiatives, and became a global advocate for education and mental health. Google reckons she’s worth $3B!

Oprah’s greatest achievement, though, might be the way she defined her own resilience. She transformed her personal pain into a force for good, inspiring others to become more resilient and find light in their darkest moments.

What's The Takeaway? Learning to deal with stress and develop resilience is about rewriting your narrative. Oprah’s story says no matter where you start, you have the power to create a life of purpose. In the face of adversity it’s your response that matters.

This Week’s Top Tip: Resilience Building

Resilience isn’t just about enduring the storm - it’s about learning to dance in the rain (or in Eminem’s case, to rap about it).

If you’re inspired by Eminem, find ways to channel your struggles into something creative. What are the positive aspects of your struggle and how can they help you to search out opportunity for growth 

If you’re inspired by Oprah, turn your pain into a platform that lifts others. Sharing coping strategies and building social support can help you face challenges, as well as enhancing resilience in others.

Resilience is a personal journey but whatever life throws at you, remember that setbacks are just setups for a comeback. I’ve said this before, but just because you experience failure, it doesn’t mean you are one; it’s all about how you cope with setbacks. There’s definitely a sense that when you overcome an obstacle, you end up stronger than you started. Just knowing that can be an integral part of your resilience toolkit.

So, this weekend, take a moment to reflect: how can you turn a current challenge into a stepping stone for growth?

You don’t need to conquer the world. Your wins will probably be smaller in scale than those of Eminem or Oprah, but just as big personally. Small wins are wins. They are the spoils of resilience and could be the start of your own story of triumph.

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