How To Build Resilience

When you’re feeling battered by life, prioritising your ability to build resilience is key. Developing emotional armour isn’t just about bouncing back — it’s about embracing what’s happened, learning from it, and growing stronger because of it.

That’s why I wanted to share the inspiring Japanese concept of Kintsugi. It's a philosophy that teaches us how to embrace our past challenges and use them to shape a stronger, more beautiful future.

"Got a feeling '21 is gonna be a good year," sang Roger Daltrey on The Who’s rock opera Tommy. Looking back now, I’m not sure he nailed that prediction.

We all know 2020 was tough — and if we’re honest, the years that followed weren’t exactly a walk in the park either. Plenty of people are still feeling the impact, and for some, it feels like they’ve been left a little broken.

So instead of talking about resolutions or goals, I want to focus on something more valuable: learning how to build resilience by embracing our imperfections.

Porcelain

The word Kintsugi means ‘golden joinery’ — an art form where broken pottery is repaired with delicate veins of gold, turning the cracks into a beautiful feature. Rather than hiding its damage, the pottery is transformed into something even more striking than before.

I love this idea. It’s a reminder that our past challenges — the bumps, scrapes, and mistakes — can become valuable parts of our story if we learn to embrace them.

Expecting to Fly

I often tell a story about how someone once reversed into my car, leaving a nasty dent in the rear door. Even though I got it fixed, there’s still a tiny crease that’s only visible when sunlight hits it just right.

I could have had that final mark buffed out — but I chose to leave it. That little dent is a reminder that I handled a stressful situation well when I could have easily lost my cool.

Every time I spot it, I pause and reflect. For me, that dent isn’t a flaw — it’s a golden thread of resilience woven into my life.

The Wall

On my office wall, there’s a small patch of imperfection. While repainting the room, I deliberately left a rough two-inch patch where the surface wasn’t quite smooth.

Why have I left it like this?

Well, my office used to be my daughter’s bedroom, and that rough patch was once a splodge of bright pink nail varnish she’d spilled.

It’s barely noticeable now, but when I see it, I smile. It reminds me of her creativity, her messy enthusiasm — and the joyful chaos that comes with raising kids.

Is that a form of Kintsugi? I’m not sure. But it’s a beautiful imperfection I’m happy to keep. My office, my rules.

Tears of a Clown

While I was painting that office, I had my music on shuffle — and out of nowhere, a song by The Tears came on. The Tears were a criminally underrated and short lived pop group made from the trimmings and offcuts of Suede remnants. Literally, they were made up from Brett Anderson and Bernard Butler, from earnest indie fops Suede

The song was called Imperfection and it lists all the quirks of a partner:

• Growing their nails too long
• Unpredictable mood swings
• Teeth not quite straight
• Tasting like orange chocolate (!?)

The song’s not a list of complaints — it’s a celebration of those flaws. The chorus sums it up beautifully:

"Your imperfections are so beautiful . . . I'm a sucker for your beautiful mistakes."

I love that idea — that our flaws, quirks, and missteps are what make us unique.

How to Build Resilience Using the Past

So how can you take inspiration from Kintsugi (or Brett’s lyrics)?

The philosophy behind Kintsugi is to embrace the cracks, not conceal them. When you’ve faced hardship — whether it’s a bad year, a difficult decision, or just one of those weeks where nothing goes right — those experiences can become powerful reminders of your strength.

Don’t discard the past. Instead, recognise those challenges as part of your personal story. Pay attention to what you’ve learned, respect the journey you’ve been on, and maybe even highlight those ‘imperfections’ as a testament to your resilience.

Remember, a vase repaired with Kintsugi isn’t just functional — it’s considered even more beautiful than before.

So if you’re feeling a little bruised by recent years, maybe it’s time to start seeing those cracks as golden seams of strength.

And if you’ve made a few ‘beautiful mistakes’ along the way, ask yourself: how can those imperfections become valuable reminders for your future self?