How To Stay Calm Instead Of Shouting Back

Ever feel like your default reaction is a bit... loud? In today's video, we're diving into the art of arguing in lower case – not whispering your point, but choosing a calmer, more thoughtful way to respond. You'll hear a gem of a quote from a teenager that sparked the whole thing, and we'll explore why taking a beat before reacting can totally change the outcome.

Teenagers See What Adults Miss

My youngest daughter was chatting about her friends' parents and we were enjoying her character descriptions. We actually know these people and are friends with them in our own right. We already have a good idea of what they are like. But of course we only get to see them from one fairly narrow angle - usually meeting up for a dinner party and chatting into the small hours over a few bottles of wine.

And we also have the same biases they have because we're all going through the same, how shall I say this, 'intriguing' period of parenting teenagers. So us parents are all probably showing each other just one side of our characters. The side we want to show.

But the kids get to see so much more. The kids get to see the sides that are normally kept hidden from dinner parties. They get to observe when we're all off guard and acting more naturally.

Arguing in Lower Case

We asked her how we, as parents, come across and predictably we were a complete non story. That's par for the course. There's clearly nothing more boring in the world than your own parents when you're sixteen. But other people's parents are fair game.

There was a wonderful phrase my daughter employed to describe one mum and dad. We were all in agreement that they're really lovely; kind and generous. But then my daughter explained that "they do argue though. But when they do it it's so low key."

She finished her description with this zinger: "It's like they argue in lower case."

Arguing in lower case! What a great description. Love it. And I'm sure that's exactly what they do. Polite, civilised, logical, no raised voices.

The Problem with Automatic Reactions

It got me thinking about how we choose to react and how a lot of the time we just respond in the way that we've got used to responding. Or learned from our own parents. Or according to the interpretation of events we've narrated in our head.

When someone annoys us do we consciously decide how to respond or do we just slip into the automatic response? It's a question worth considering, especially if you find yourself arguing a lot and your automatic response is a loud one.

Does it have to be? Does doing it your way get you the desired result? Do you even know what the desired result is?

A Top Tip: Reassess Your Response

So this video's top tip is to reassess the way you respond to stuff that riles you. Take a moment to think about what your automatic response is and to assess whether it's appropriate.

Do you argue in BLOCK CAPITALS? Is that the way you want to go about things or would making your point in lower case be a better thing for you?

Have fun reflecting!

If you found this helpful, give it a like and hit subscribe. And let me know in the comments – are you more of a BLOCK CAPS kind of arguer, or a quiet but firm italics?