One Surefire Way To Stop Negative Thinking

I want to tackle a mindset that can trip us up without us even realising: “Zebra Thinking.” I’m not talking about an exotic pattern in fashion or wildlife documentaries, but about the habit of seeing situations in stark black and white.

This way of thinking is a guaranteed way to slip into negative thought patterns where things are either brilliant or awful, successes or disasters, and there's no in-between. 

Today’s top tip is to spot when we’re slipping into Zebra Thinking and make a conscious effort to bring in the colours, overcome the negativity and improve your wellbeing. This habit can help us find peace with ourselves, avoid unnecessary stress and anxiety, and feel more satisfied in life overall.

Negative Thinking

Picture this: you're at a family gathering, chatting with friends, or stuck in yet another team meeting at work, where you might notice negative thoughts creeping in. The person next to you starts listing all their achievements from the past year, or the friend you haven't seen in ages is just so "blissfully happy" in their relationship.

Meanwhile, your mind starts drifting toward comparisons - thoughts that maybe your life isn’t going as well, that somehow others have it all figured out, while you’re just plodding along. It's all too easy to fall into an all-or-nothing trap, where everyone else’s life seems perfect, and ours feels lacking. 

It's not that these are negative people but when Zebra Thinking takes over all of a sudden you're having to deal with negative thoughts and strange sadness emerges.

The Black-and-White Stress Trap

I call this way of thinking Zebra Thinking because it is black and white and offers no room for nuance. It’s the mindset that frames events as all or nothing, where every situation has to be either entirely black or completely white. We see ourselves as either thriving or struggling, without any space for the many hues in between.

Here’s a classic example: “All my friends are happily in relationships, so they’re lovable, while I’m single and somehow lacking.”

Or maybe you’ve thought, “Everyone else has their dream job, and I’m stuck in a dead-end role. Therefore, they’re successful, and I’m not.”

When we’re caught up in Zebra Thinking, we’re not letting ourselves acknowledge that life is rarely so clear-cut, which can lead to anxious thoughts and feelings.

How We Learn Negative Self-Talk

As kids, we learned to understand concepts by comparing one thing to another. Something was tall only because we understood shortness; something was fast because we also knew slowness. This ability to compare served us well early on, but as life gets more complex, so do its shades of meaning.

The problem is that our tendency to compare has followed us into adulthood, often without updating for the nuances we now need.

We slip into Zebra Thinking, letting ourselves believe that life’s situations are either one way or the other, without any room for a middle ground, which can be a way to increase negative thinking.

We say things like, “If I didn’t get this project exactly right, I must have failed,” or “If people don’t agree with me, they’re completely wrong.”

Don't Get Stuck In The Swamp

If you want to see Zebra Thinking in action, head over to the comments section of any news article or social media post, where stress and anxiety often thrive. One side will think something is the best thing that’s ever happened, while the other is ready to declare it an utter disaster. Rarely is there an attempt at nuance.

Take music, for example, the debate about U2’s back catalogue. Some fans insist they haven’t made a single bad track, while others are convinced they’ve never produced anything of worth. The truth is, most artists have good days and bad days, brilliant tracks and forgettable ones. But the internet loves a Zebra.

Spotting the Zebra: Unhelpful Thoughts

One way to get past Zebra Thinking is to actively bring in some colour and create opportunity to focus on positive thinking. When you find yourself thinking in black and white, ask, “What’s the grey area here? What details am I ignoring?” This is a really good way to help stop negative thoughts.

For example, perhaps you feel it’s unfair that your parents pressured you into a particular career, while your friends got full support to pursue theirs, which can stir up anxious thoughts.

That could very well be true, but it’s essential to notice the positive aspects as well. But by focusing solely on that aspect, you’re likely overlooking other things they did for you.

Maybe they worked long hours to support you, or taught you the value of self reliance. Maybe they even taught you positive thinking and ways to stop negative thoughts that you've forgotten.

When we take time to acknowledge these grey areas, we often realise life isn’t so cut-and-dried. Yes, maybe they didn’t encourage your creative pursuits. But it’s also possible they showed their support in ways you hadn’t considered.

Add Some Colour: Reframe Negative Thoughts

It’s easy to see only two options and think that life comes down to one or the other. But life is rarely that simple, and those black-and-white views are usually missing the full picture, which can lead to stress and anxiety.

When you’re tempted to see a situation in all-or-nothing terms, try challenging yourself with a broader view. You might imagine the Zebra itself, and ask yourself: “What colours are missing here?”

Think of a big life choice you’re facing. Before letting yourself settle into a polarised view, consider what alternatives or perspectives you might be ignoring. Adding these colours lets you take in the whole landscape and helps to stop the trickier aspects from weighing on your mind.

Affecting Mental Health

If we don’t let ourselves consider the grey areas, we can carry around unnecessary resentment, worry, or disappointment. These feelings can persist time to time but they can sometimes take over for too long. For years some times, even over minor issues, simply because we haven’t let ourselves see the full picture. That's not good for our health and wellbeing.

So, instead of letting an all-or-nothing view shape how we feel, we should allow some colour into the mix. A healthier, happier mindset is usually found somewhere in between, helping to overcome negative thoughts and feelings.

Reframing your thoughts will give you change to recognise that you may need to take stock of things in your life and focus on the positive.  

Taking control of your thoughts is the first step. You've got a choice to focus on the positive or negative. Make it easier for yourself to be in charge of your state of mind and focus on the former. 

Positive People

If you surround yourself with positive people you'll naturally get more positivity in your life. By spending more energy focusing on the positive ones you'll almost effortlessly enjoy a cognitive change, reduce stress and find an automatic way to deal with negative situations. 

You'll look at things in a positive light. You'll think and behave more positively. You'll engage in positive behaviour. You might find that an increasingly pessimistic outlook on life that may have been creeping up on you has diminished.

Taking a step back and finding time to practice positive thinking will simply make you feel better. You'll find that your mental health and wellbeing is improving.

So what's today's top tip? Look out for the Zebra, allow optimistic feelings a chance and notice the ways to stop negative thinking.

Next time you catch yourself slipping into a black-and-white view - perhaps you may even start catastrophizing - remind yourself that there’s usually a spectrum of experiences.

In that colourful space, you’ll be better able to find a more balanced understanding and, very likely, a lot more peace of mind.