The Friendship Tree: Three Types Of Friends In Your Life

This Top Tip is a way of thinking about your different friendship groups. The Friendship Tree categorises friendships into three distinct groups and it's a brilliant way to consider your relationships.  

There are three types of friendships in your life: 

1. Leaves - acquaintances

2. Branches - casual friends

3. Roots - close friends

Leaves

Some individuals breeze in and out of your life and you can think of them like leaves on a tree, delicate and ephemeral. These are the people, perhaps akin to work friends, that are only around from time to time when the weather is good. They blow around as the winds change.  

Like leaves, they are, here for fleeting moments before drifting away. Fragile and insubstantial, they take what they require without consideration for the long term. When adversity strikes or the winds of change blow cold, they scatter, leaving behind only memories of their brief presence. 

Branches

Branches are the people who are more present and stable than the leaves. They are sturdier and more enduring, and can provide a sense of stability and support, much like lifelong friends. Unlike leaves, they will weather multiple seasons, and their presence is more sustained. 

They look strong, and may appear to be close friends, but if you try to stand on them or pull yourself up from them, they may break under your weight. While they may bend under pressure, they risk snapping if burdened with too great a weight. You might need to assess their strength and think carefully before leaning on them for support.

Roots

These are the people who are permanent. These friends are the ones who will always be there for you and ensure you're never lost. Like the unseen foundations of a tree these individuals operate quietly, without chasing recognition or praise. They fortify and nourish those around them, fostering a sense of intimacy, growth and resilience. They support you and get fulfilment from witnessing your success, content to remain unseen in the background. 

In moments of chaos and uncertainty, they stand firm, a source of strength and stability. They endure, steadfast and unyielding, deeply rooted in their commitment to your wellbeing and flourishing. Roots provide the type of relationship you can rely on.

Roots are there in the summer and the winter, they are unperturbed by the changing seasons.  The leaves and branches may come and go, but the roots are there forever.

Type Of Friend

This tree model is a really useful perspective that can help you to recognise there’s a place for all three types of friendships.  

There's nothing wrong with having leaves and branches in your life. When times are good, these people can bring joy to your world. Sure, they may falter in challenging times but it's essential to recognise that they are simply being true to their nature.

There's no fault to be found in their limitations. They play their part in the intricate tapestry of human connections.

Different Types

There’s a couple of other pointers we can glean from this model, and if there’s a chance to extend a metaphor I won't refuse the opportunity to take it!

First, stop chasing the leaves. People waste a lot of energy chasing leaves that have fallen off their tree and blown away. There’s no point in running after them so don't bother. You can't force them back on the tree. Friendships are important but it's okay to shed the leaves from one season and find new leaves in the next. You can always make new friends.

Plus it's futile to harbour resentment towards them; they are simply fulfilling their nature, passing through without leaving a lasting imprint. Enjoy them while they’re there and don’t get het up about them when they disappear. But never make the mistake of thinking they'll be there during the bad times. Your roots are the real ones you can count on. They're the people you see when the chips are down.

Family Friendship

Secondly, just because someone is family, it doesn't mean they are a root. We tend to think they are but family members don't always guarantee closeness or positive relationships. Family friendships may turn out to be leaves or branches. And there’s nothing you can do about it really, apart from becoming aware.

That can be a hard lesson to learn but you’re better off knowing and learning to accept this and adapt. Assuming someone is a root when they’re more of a leaf or branch can be dangerous and leave you vulnerable and exposed. 

Consider Types Of Friendship

We all need friends. They vary from person to person but friends are the people who help you deal with life. You don't need to be a psychologist to recognise that they serve a purpose. Health benefits of friendship can be myriad: friends challenge us, they're the people that we confide in, they are people that help us create our sense of self.

Childhood friends can be the ones who accompany us through all life stages; as a confidant while you find your way as an adolescent, close friends can be platonic or romantic relationships. A best friend is perhaps someone who plays all these different roles. 

So this weekend take a few minutes to consider the three different types of friends; Leaves, Branches and Roots. And then focus on working out who your roots are. 

These are the people who are there within and across the seasons of your life. Different types of friendships are part of life. Who are the people who will sit in the cold dark mud with you? Find them. Cherish them. 

Friendships can bring you happiness in life so do think hard about the number of friends you have and the actual friendship types. A relationship is based on mutual trust and understanding and it can take effort to maintain friendships. It can often be difficult to meet someone new and make new friends as an adult but sometimes it can be necessary for the mental health benefits a new close friendship can bring. We need different types of friends.

And what about a spot of self analysis? Ask yourself who are you, ahem, rooting for? Decide if you can be the roots for someone else. And if you decide you’d like to be more of a root for someone then how can you increase your rootlike qualities? What is it you need to start doing more of? Or less of? Enjoy reflecting on the friends you need.