The Perfect Circle

Let me take you for a ride.

Picture this: a journey from Redhill in Surrey on a busy Friday afternoon up to York. Then up early on Saturday morning and over the Pennines to Manchester for my daughter’s open day at Manchester Metropolitan University (MMU). 

A solid 400+ miles, crammed with potential stressors: looming snow and rain, the 4pm sunset, the infamous M25, and a car full of family emotions. A prime candidate for applying Stephen Covey’s Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence, don’t you think?

I’ve been referring to Stephen Covey’s ideas a lot recently with a few clients. It’s funny how certain themes or ideas crop up across a few different places and people all at once. 

Or maybe it’s simply because I referred to it once that it’s at the top of my mind, so then I easily reach for it again in a similar situation. Anyway, the ideas are always useful so they’re always welcome. 

I like ideas when you can apply them immediately to real life and this is perfect for that. It’s pretty timeless and I return to it again and again, in my own life, and to share with clients.

Hit The North

Covey’s model is a lifesaver for situations where the list of things that could go wrong threatens to overwhelm you. 

It’s very easy to just focus on the problems and then worry about them. This sounds like it should be a good thing to do, but when the problems are out of your hands then it’s a pointless exercise. 

The aim is always to be solution focused and so being problem focused when there’s nothing you can do about the problem is more than futile. It’s really quite damaging and leaves you feeling helpless.

Enter The Circle!

The Circle encourages us to sort our worries into two categories:

Circle of Concern: Things you care about but can’t control.

Circle of Influence: Things you can directly affect or manage.

On this road trip, my concerns naturally fell into both categories:

Circle of Concern:

The Weather: Snow and rain were forecast - completely out of my control.

Poor Light: The sun stubbornly insisted on setting at 4 PM.

Traffic: The M25 and M1 were their usual charming selves - jam-packed.

Mood of My Wife and Daughter: Other people’s emotions? Not exactly my domain.

My Tiredness (caused by the long journey): I couldn’t change the mileage.

Circle of Influence:

Car Preparation: Ensuring the vehicle was winter-ready.

Planning: Using navigation apps to avoid delays, scheduling breaks, and setting off early to maximise daylight.

My Feelings: Staying calm and maintaining a positive mindset.

Tiredness: Taking rest stops, packing snacks, and getting plenty of sleep beforehand.

Mood Management: Creating a comfortable car environment with music, snacks, and the occasional joke (at my expense, naturally).

Snow Patrol (and Other Ways to Prepare)

The secret to a smoother journey? Expanding my Circle of Influence. By focusing on what I could control, I turned potential disasters into manageable bumps in the road. 

Even though you can’t do anything about the problems in the Circle of Concern, what you can do is focus on how you can respond to them. Or prepare for them.

Here’s how I tackled the journey like a seasoned road warrior.

The Car Is King

I made sure my trusty steed was ready for battle. Tyres checked for tread and pressure, washer fluid topped up with antifreeze, and wipers inspected for wear.

I even packed an emergency kit (torch, blanket, de-icer, snacks), because nothing ruins a road trip faster than being stranded without snacks.

You Always Take The Weather

Snow and rain? Bring it on. I monitored the forecast and adjusted our departure to avoid the worst conditions. A good scraper, some de-icer, and keeping the speed sensible did wonders for my peace of mind.

Especially on the Saturday morning heading out on the M62 in a flurry of sleety snow that covered the tarmac. The slip roads lived up to their name more than once.

I Can See For Miles

Poor light is no match for good planning. Leaving as early as was feasible meant we could cover as much ground as possible in daylight.

When the sun finally dipped, clean windows inside and out reduced glare, and I stuck to well-lit roads. 

(I know it happens every year but I still can’t believe that the sun sets before 4pm in the depths of winter.)

We Are Family

The car became a mobile haven: comfy cushions, blanket, a killer playlist of tunes and podcasts, and a healthy stash of snacks to keep everyone happy.

I set expectations early, gently reminding everyone that patience was our best co-pilot. It’s amazing what lending my noise cancelling headphones to my daughter will do to keep the peace.

Mind the Mindset

Traffic jams on the M25? It happened of course. And those 50 mile an hour stretches on the M1!

Tedious, sure, but not the end of the world. I reminded myself to stay calm, practising mindfulness (and maybe a little deep breathing) whenever tensions rose. Focusing on the true goal - a successful open day - kept me on track.

I'm So Tired

No heroics here: rest stops every couple of hours kept us all refreshed and focused.

A solid night’s sleep the day before helped too, along with the magic of coffee and high-energy snacks (nuts, fruit, chocolate - never underestimate chocolate).

This Week’s Top Tip

The Circle of Concern may always loom large, but it’s your Circle of Influence that makes the difference.

By channelling energy into what you can control, you can tackle challenges head-on and make even the trickiest journeys a success.

To be honest I hate having to be organised like this. It's tedious and boring. It goes against my innate spontaneity to just  jump in the car and head off. But I’ve got too many miles on my clock to know that the downsides of not prepping properly are too big. Potentially disastrous.

Also, it was fine to do the spontaneous thing when I was in my twenties and didn’t have dependents to consider. Backpacking around Indonesia we’d just jump on whatever bus was moving and see where it took us. 

Nowadays, other people’s needs come first - that’s what I’ve chosen in life and so need to put my impetuous desires further down my value ladder. (And since it’s in my head I think I’ll write about the values clash type thing soon.)

Anyway, next time you’re faced with a daunting task - whether it’s a cross-country trek or a tough day at work, ask yourself: what’s in my Circle of Influence? 

List what’s in there, itemise exactly how you can exercise agency over it all. Then roll up your sleeves and get to it.