The Satisfaction Problem

I'm laid low with Covid right now. It's the first time I've had those two little stripes on the LFT.

"How am I feeling?"

Ropey is how I'd describe my current state but nothing horrendous. Very grateful to have had the jabs.

But that's why today's Top Tips is a little later than usual. And probably littered with errors as my head is all over the place. But it's still made it to you on a Friday so that's okay!

Take My Breath Away

Yesterday I did very little apart from lie on the sofa watching the TV and listening to the radio and a couple of podcasts. A total of three films occupied my time and one of them was Top Gun.

It's the first time I've seen it. No, really.

Over the years various friends and relatives have expressed surprise. They all reliably inform me I'm the only person in the country who has never seen it before. So I watched it.

It was . . . okay. 

"I feel the need . . .  the need for a lie down and a hot water with lemon and honey."

Initially I was thinking that this week's Top Tips could be about reviewing things you've never done and making a fresh list of things you'd like to do before it's too late.

But really the film was a bit of a let down so I don't feel particularly inspired by that thought today.

Watchin' In Slow Motion

As much as I enjoyed watching four muscular, well oiled 80's beefcakes play topless volleyball in slow motion to a Harold Faltermeyer soundtrack it was actually Simon Sinek's podcast that left the firmest thought in my head.

Sinek regularly talks about leadership and shares insights from the world of business. I'd recommend searching him out. There are a lot of great ideas he highlights, although he does seem to bang on about Apple quite a lot. Bit of a fanboi.

This podcast was different, showing great restraint he didn't mention how fantastic Apple are once. He also had the social scientist Arthur C Brooks as his guest. They were talking about how dissatisfied people seem to be with their lot in life and what can be done to improve happiness and satisfaction.

Brooks referred to The Satisfaction Problem. This is the idea that many of us have that if we keep working hard, spinning that hamster wheel fast enough, reaching out for that goal then finally we'll reach it. And at that point because we've reached that goal we'll be satisfied and happy. 

The belief is that satisfaction is a function of getting what we want and having things.

Turning And Returning

The reality of course is that that satisfaction is usually ephemeral. It doesn't last. There's a new goal that we want. There's always something new that we don't yet have so we set our sights on getting that. And until we get it, we're dissatisfied. 

Brooks gave some advice that he'd heard while chatting to the Dalai Lama. As you do.

"To get stable and steady happiness we need to stop having what we want and to start wanting what we have."

That line spoke to me.

I rewound the podcast 15 seconds and replayed that line.

"To get stable and steady happiness we need to stop having what we want and to start wanting what we have."

I paused the podcast rolled off the sofa and went and sat in the garden. It was lovely and sunny yesterday and I sat there in my in pajamas and dressing gown, soaking in the warmth. I thought about my wants from twenty years ago.

I don't know why I chose to consider my wants from two decades ago, and I'm not sure I ever exactly wrote a list back then, but all the big 'wants' would have been some of the fabulous things I actually do currently have.

Loving relationship, two point four kids, satisfying job, Pete Townshend's plectrum. What more could I ask for?

Certainly not wanting to sound smug, just incredibly pleased and grateful, I have those earlier 'wants'.

At the time however, two decades earlier, and through time, none of those were ever certainties. I certainly put plenty of my own obstacles in the way. But then over time they become a certainty. And then you kind of get used to them. And then of course you develop new 'wants'. 

Ride Into The Danger Zone

Very often I'm focused on taking steps to move me towards the 'next thing' yet in reality the 'next thing' is usually a 'want'. So I'm clearly putting myself in, what Kenny Loggins might call, 'The Danger Zone.'

It was really interesting to step outside this zone, to just stop thinking about 'wants' for a while and to focus on my 'haves.' The things I already have gained. And maybe take for granted.

I felt the next obvious step was to remind myself how much I wanted what I already have. That bit was incredibly quick and easy but also unexpectedly satisfying.

Hey, that's the Satisfaction Problem licked!

I crawled back to the sofa and turned on the podcast again to hear the rest. It was a bit of an anticlimax to be honest.

Somehow Brooks managed to conjure up a complicated equation out of the Dalai Lama's simple advice. He started to talk about happiness fractions and the 'wants' being a denominator for the 'haves.' Turns out he's got a book to sell so . . . you know.

This equation part just confused me so I ignored it. But that's okay because the line from the Dalai Lama seems pretty simple and insightful as it is. There's no need to jazz it up.

It's easy to understand that the mindset of society is set up for us to focus on what we want rather than to appreciate what we have. And that for more happiness we need to switch it around.

So today's Tip Tip is from his Holiness the Dalai Lama, via Sinek and Brooks, and it's that line I shared twice earlier: 

"To get stable and steady happiness we need to stop having what we want and to start wanting what we have."

This weekend enjoy looking over what you've already got and have fun reminding yourself how much you want it. Lucky you, you've already got what you want!