The Yes And Technique That Makes Conversation Flow

Ever notice how conversations can either soar like Gazza in '96 or stumble like a dodgy penalty taker in the Sunday league? This top tip is all about how one tiny tweak can have a massive impact on how we talk, collaborate, and just generally get along better.

We're diving into a deceptively simple technique called "Yes, And" – or as I like to call it, "Accepting the pass." If you're up for smoother chats, less friction, and maybe even more laughs, stick around.

A couple of years ago I wrote a Top Tip about a communication model called the “And, Yes” technique. I’d been referring to it as “Accepting the pass” – in fact I still do – but a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, and so however you know it, using it to improve your conversational skills will pay dividends.

Mariette, a loyal Top Tips reader emailed in reply to tell me about a really interesting training exercise she’d been on where they used the model. I thought today I’d revisit the "Yes, And" model and share her example.
I should briefly recap what ‘Accepting the pass’ is first. You can read the original post here but basically it is a communication technique that emphasises acceptance and collaboration.

When someone presents an idea or suggestion, instead of immediately dismissing it or offering a contrasting viewpoint ("Yes, But"), you acknowledge and build upon their contribution ("Yes, And").

Breaking it down I guess there are four or maybe five steps.
1. Acceptance: The first step is when someone comes out with an idea or statement, you accept it as valid and worthy of consideration without judgment or criticism. That’s probably the hardest part, but without it the road just stops, so it’s pretty vital.

2. Acknowledgment: Instead of negating the other person's idea or immediately offering an alternative ("Yes, But"), you acknowledge their contribution by affirming it ("Yes, And").

3. Expansion: After accepting the initial idea, you build upon it by adding your own thoughts, suggestions, or elaborations. This collaborative approach fosters creativity and encourages further exploration of possibilities.

4. Positive Atmosphere: By using "Yes, And," you create a positive and supportive environment where ideas are valued and respected. It’s good for quickly gaining trust and mutual respect. This can of course lead to enhanced communication, increased engagement and stronger relationships. All the good stuff.

5. Problem-Solving: The "Yes, And" model can be particularly effective for generating innovative solutions. In group discussions or problem solving sessions, each person's contribution serves as a building block, leading to new insights and opportunities.

So overall, the "Yes, And" model promotes open-mindedness, cooperation, and constructive dialogue.

Mariette’s example really demonstrates this so let me allow her to take the floor:

“I recall coming across the Yes And model a few years ago in a Harvard online training module via work. The example they used there was two people talking and the first starting with 'Let's organise a pool party!'
Then there was one video where every next sentence had to begin with 'Yes, but' and in the other version they had to start with 'Yes, and'.

The latter was so much more interesting and positive and fun for both people involved... it is a good to use more 'Yes, and', and especially good to remember on a grumpy day.”

I think this is a brilliant example of how just one small tweak can alter the whole path and eventual destination of a conversation.

Of course I stole this brilliant exercise wholesale and so if you’ve been on one of my communication courses in the last couple of years you may well remember having done it!

The "Yes, And" technique is really useful because it encourages individuals to work together to explore ideas, solve problems, and achieve common goals.

It can work in all sorts of scenarios so whether you’re in a professional setting, a personal interaction, or a creative endeavour, adopting the "Yes, And" mindset can lead to more effective communication and collaboration.

Have fun spotting how often you naturally ‘accept the pass’ and say "Yes, and"!
If this gave you a fresh perspective, give it a thumbs up and hit subscribe for more. And let me know in the comments – what’s your go-to way of ‘accepting the pass’?