Why Being Selfish Is Important

If you’ve ever felt guilty for doing something just for you — like reading a book, taking a class, or finally figuring out that tricky chord change — then today’s top tip is especially for you.

We’re diving into why being "selfish" might actually be one of the most generous things you can do. You'll learn how to shift your mindset, reclaim time for yourself, and discover how personal growth can become your secret superpower for helping others.

When you're pulled in a hundred directions, prioritising yourself can feel selfish — but it's actually the most generous thing you can do. Putting yourself first, when done with the right intent, isn’t indulgent — it’s foundational.

Do it well, and you show up energised, creative and useful. Ignore it, and you risk burnout, bitterness, and being a martyr no one asked for.

The Power of Being an “Egotistical Utilitarian”

This top tip explores the idea of being strategically selfish — or, to give it a better name: becoming an egotistical utilitarian.

It's a phrase made popular by Matthew McConaughey (yes, the Oscar-winning, Lincoln-driving, bongos-playing one), and it's a powerful reframe for anyone who’s ever felt guilty about making time for themselves.

So I want to look at:

• Why investing in yourself helps others

• How "selfish" can be smart

• And how to start seeing personal growth as a public service (really).

Lessons from the 80s and 90s

Back in the 80s and 90s, there were two things I could spend hours doing without guilt: reading fiction and learning songs on my guitar.

Reading was easier then. There weren’t constant notifications, news apps shouting for your attention, or group chats pinging at all hours. You’d pick up a book — Terry Pratchett or a tattered thriller from the library — and disappear into another world until someone shouted you down for dinner.

Guitar, on the other hand, was a grind. No YouTube tutorials. No apps showing you how to play with one finger. Just a £40 acoustic guitar from Argos, strings that hadn’t been changed since 1984, and a stubborn determination to figure out Pinball Wizard using a badly photocopied tab and a tape deck that kept chewing the cassette.

But I loved it. Not because I was good at it (I really wasn’t), and not because it led to anything tangible. I just liked how it made me feel — focused, calm, capable, and quietly chuffed with myself when I finally nailed a chord change without scaring the dog.

Those things made me me. But somewhere along the line, they got pushed aside in favour of “more important” things. Grown-up things. Productive things. The sort of things you could justify in a meeting or scribble on a to-do list.

And here’s what I’ve realised: that was a mistake.

Because those “selfish” activities? They weren’t selfish at all. They were fuel. And when I make time for them now — even in small doses — I’m sharper, kinder, and frankly, more tolerable to be around.

Why Selfishness Isn’t Selfish

This is exactly the mindset behind the egotistical utilitarian: the idea that focusing on yourself isn’t in conflict with helping others — it’s what makes it possible.

I see this same tension come up all the time with clients.

One told me recently that she was “too selfish” for going to a two-hour pottery class on Sundays. “I should be spending that time with my family,” she said. “I’m already so busy during the week.”

But here’s the truth: she adores that class. It clears her head. It fills her back up. When she goes, she’s calmer, more patient, more energised. When she skips it? Frazzled by Tuesday.

Another client — incredibly driven, achieving loads — told me she’d been meaning to start piano lessons for months, but couldn’t bring herself to book them. “It just feels indulgent,” she said. “Like I should be using that time for something more useful.”

What if I told you those “selfish” things might be the most useful actions you take this week?

Because here's the shift: personal fulfilment isn't separate from your ability to help others — it's what powers it.

Breaking Down the Egotistical Utilitarian

This is where the egotistical utilitarian idea really takes root.

Egotistical: prioritising your own growth, interests, energy, and ambition.

Utilitarian: doing what creates the most benefit for the most people.

Together, it sounds contradictory — but it’s not. It’s synergistic. By working on yourself, you’re expanding what you can offer the world.

The classic analogy? The oxygen mask on a plane. You have to secure your own before helping others. Not because you're more important — but because you're useless if you're unconscious in the aisle.

And yet, how often do we do the opposite in life? Pushing ourselves to empty so we can be “available” to everyone — and in the process, showing up exhausted, distracted, and half-present?

Egotistical utilitarians flip that script. They deliberately invest in their own clarity, health, skills, and happiness — not as an end in itself, but because it amplifies their ability to contribute.

It’s not selfish. It’s strategic generosity.

Legacy and the Bigger Picture

There’s another layer too — legacy.

The egotistical utilitarian isn’t just looking at this weekend’s to-do list. They’re asking: What do I want to leave behind? What kind of person do I want to be remembered as?

Because no one’s legacy is “always replied to emails within 20 minutes.” What lasts is the impact you have — and that comes from depth. From wisdom. From becoming a more whole, well-rounded human who’s actually worth learning from.

You don’t get that from martyrdom. You get that from putting in the time to learn, grow, explore and be yourself — on purpose.

So yes, go learn the piano. Go throw a wonky pot. Go play a Nirvana song badly on a knackered guitar. Because when you do, you build a version of yourself that can give more — not less — to everyone around you.

How to Put This Into Practice

So how do you bring this into your week?

Start here:

• Audit your calendar. If you don’t appear in your own diary, ask yourself why.

• Reclaim one activity you’ve quietly shelved. Something that used to light you up. It doesn’t have to “lead” anywhere. It just has to matter to you.

• Book it in. Protect it. And when that whisper of guilt creeps in, remember: “This isn’t selfish. This is foundational.”

You’re not choosing between helping yourself or helping others. You’re choosing to become the kind of person who can do both.

Today’s Top Tip

Give yourself permission to be an egotistical utilitarian — to prioritise yourself, so you can offer more to everyone else.

Don’t wait for the time to appear. Make it. Not just for your own benefit, but because everyone around you deserves the best version of you — and that version needs feeding.

If you found this helpful, give it a like and hit subscribe. And let me know in the comments — what’s one “selfish” thing you’re going to reclaim this week?