Black And White Thinking: How To Stop Negative Thoughts

A few years ago, right when we were in the thick of lockdowns, I wrote a post about "Zebra Thinking" - a reflection on our tendency to too often see things in stark black-and-white terms.

Although I can’t take credit for inventing the concept, (it's a well known cognitive distortion) I did coin the phrase "Zebra Thinking" to describe it. It seemed fitting for a time when everyone’s thinking had, understandably, become a bit more absolute. 

During lockdown you were either thriving in the chaos or totally overwhelmed; things were either going brilliantly or barely holding together. I thought that noticing Zebra Thinking and learning to avoid it would be good for building resilience.

The Origin Of Black And White Thinking

Someone else pointed out to me that I was looking for the phrase 'dichotomous thinking' but I didn't like hearing that so sent them on their way. I shooed away dialectical thinking too. Zebra Thinking has got a nice ring to it and it's staying. 

Since then, I’ve been introduced to a concept called Manichaeism, which takes the idea of dualistic thinking (there's another one!) to a whole new level. Manichaeism is an ancient belief system, built around the idea that the universe is fundamentally divided into two opposing forces: good and evil, or light and darkness. 

Manichaeism was named after its founder Mani, a Persian prophet who lived in the 3rd century, and definitely not the bass player from The Stone Roses. He developed Manichaeism by blending elements of various religious traditions, including Zoroastrianism, Christianity, and Buddhism, aiming to create a universal religion which spread widely across the ancient world. He was nothing if not ambitious.

Mani was one of those dudes who made up his philosophy by nicking the best bits from elsewhere and stringing it all together. Think of him as a very early Noel Gallagher.

His teachings and writings established the foundation of Manichaeism which explained the eternal struggle between good and evil, light and darkness. For a moment, I thought to myself, “This sounds a lot like Zebra Thinking! I’ve clearly tapped into an ancient wisdom here.” 

But as much as I’d love to claim that my Zebra Thinking echoes centuries old philosophies, it turns out Manichaeism was a bit more involved than that.

Anyway, today I want to revisit the concept of Zebra Thinking and think about why recognising life’s grey areas is not only intellectually refreshing but also essential for our wellbeing. It's a bit longer than normal so buckle up!

Why Black and White Thinking Is Appealing

At its core, Manichaeism looked at life as a constant struggle between light and darkness. Polarised thinking bouncing between good and evil, with each of us caught in the middle. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader if you like but instead of physical light sabres this is a cognitive battle with either positive or negative thinking the victor. There can be only one!

Mani believed that every moment of our lives played out as part of this vast cosmic battle, where our decisions either freed the light or surrendered it to the darkness. It’s a powerful idea, and you can see why a worldview that sharp would appeal. 

There’s something satisfying in the simplicity of it: this is good, that is bad, no need to complicate things further. Maybe that's why Star Wars has endured.

And there lies the appeal of Zebra Thinking. It’s a convenient thought pattern to follow, isn’t it? To think in black and white - where things are either wonderful or dreadful, and people are either for us or against us. 

When life feels overwhelming, and there’s too much going on, Zebra Thinking can be a way of simplifying things to reduce the mental load. 

The problem is, this simplification usually comes at the cost of accuracy, compassion, and (you guessed it) our own wellbeing.

Seeing The World In Black And White

Zebra Thinking isn’t necessarily going to get you stuck in a cosmic battle between light and dark, it’s more subtle than that. But it can mess with your wellbeing and affect your mental health if you’re not careful.

This sort of thinking can affect how you feel and, not to get to heavy, is associated with several mental health conditions. 

When we see our lives through such rigid, dualistic thinking, we leave no room for the nuances that make up most of life. Instead it leads to negative self-talk. For example:

When something goes wrong, Zebra Thinking says, “I’ve failed, so I must be a failure.”

When someone disagrees with you, Zebra Thinking says, “They’re completely wrong, and I’m completely right.”

Don’t know if you’ve followed any political events recently but this divided Us or Them feeling really does resonate with Zebra Thinking. That thought pattern has very much crept into the mainstream over the last few years and it causes people to be very exclusive.

It seems almost natural now that certain groups have a tendency to think in extremes and now have no room for thoughts or opinions different to their own.

The lack of grey areas can lead to a very unforgiving view of others but this sort of thinking can lead to a negative view of ourselves too. We start carrying around unnecessary guilt or resentment. We see our setbacks as total failures and our successes as rare strokes of luck. This black and white thinking can eat away at our confidence and resilience.

How to Find Balance in Extreme Thoughts

So what if we took a step back and allowed a few shades of grey into our black and white thinking? Imagine challenging yourself every time you catch that Zebra appearing and notice your all-or-nothing mindset kicking in. It's rare that something is simply either good or bad, well, not all good or all bad.

Instead of seeing yourself or someone else as entirely “good” or “bad,” look for the details. Ask yourself "What’s the broader picture?"

How would you see things if you allowed for a bit more complexity? By doing this sort of questioning you're practicing mindfulness and automatically combatting negative thinking. 

In truth, most of life is made up of messy, imperfect shades in between the extremes. Embracing those grey areas isn’t about ignoring the positives and negatives; it’s about bringing a more balanced perspective to the situation.

By allowing for nuance, you’re letting go of the need to classify every situation, decision, or person as all-or-nothing, which is a common type of thinking highlighted in cognitive behavioural therapy and NLP.

When you catch yourself complaining about someone and you use a phrase like "They always say x", well, I'm afraid that's you doing Zebra Thinking. Using words like 'always' is a red flag.

It's a massive generalisation. They don't really 'always' say x, but you've slipped away from the middle ground into the easy black and white mode. 

I'm not suggesting that we're all just a single word away from extreme personality disorders. Or that dichotomous thinking (oh, alright then) can cause immediate death and destruction. But it definitely can affect your sense of control and comfort so it's definitely useful to learn how to stop or at least try to change black and white thinking.

Overcome Black and White Thinking

Reflecting on Manichaeism, this sort of thinking may be appealing at certain times. It's easy to see why thinking like this would be compelling in a world that seems to get more difficult to navigate.

But I'm pretty sure that to think in extremes and to live in constant duality is to be on edge, forever anticipating the next conflict. Put 'em up!

But here’s the thing, unlike in Mani’s universe, our day-to-day lives aren’t bound by cosmic battles. We really don’t need Zebra Thinking.

And when we let go of it and allow for those grey areas, I think we give ourselves permission to live with less judgement and more acceptance. And that’s a shift towards self-awareness. 

One metaphor I enjoy for this is that it’s like setting down a heavy weight you didn’t even realise you were carrying. A spot of mindfulness and the accompanying self-awareness helps us see our thoughts for what they are - just thoughts. 

Instead of buying into every critical or over-simplified idea our minds produce, we can practice observing our thoughts as if from a slight distance. Very zen right? 

But when you take the time to do that you can start recognising patterns that you’re using or following, like extreme thinking, Zebra Thinking if you will, that don’t really serve you.

Building Resilience By Letting Go Of Extremes

Resilience isn’t about being unbreakable; it’s about learning to bend without snapping. When we start looking at life with fewer extremes, we naturally become more resilient. 

It's useful to be able to side step all-or-nothing thinking and quickly reframe a situation. By giving ourselves a range of options, interpretations, and perspectives, we have more resources to draw on when challenges arise. They're usually dead simple to implement too.

If we have ways to stop black and white thinking we’re not forced into an “all or nothing” position because we’ve given ourselves the flexibility to adapt and shift.

Consider relationships, for instance. No friendship or partnership exists in pure harmony or in conflict. They all go through stages of each whether that's in work environments, in the pub or just at home.

When you accept that relationships have ups and downs, and that it's normal, you stop expecting perfection. Perfectionism is usually trouble at the best of times but in that context that sort of negative perfectionism keeps us from seeing honest differences and will harm your relationships with others.

It will give you guaranteed tumultuous relationships and repeated cycles of emotional upheaval. Well, you'll end up in Albert Square again for sure and it becomes hard to find the middle ground.

So first identify and then reject Zebra Thinking.

You understand that just because someone annoys you now and then doesn’t mean they’re not a good friend, and just because they’ve done something kind doesn’t mean they’re flawless.

Nothing is black and white after all. 

Apart from Zebras of course. 

And Penguins maybe.

Oh, okay and Pandas too. 

But you get my point.

This Week’s Top Tip

Okay, I’ve gone deeper than usual this week, but that's what happens when a majestically dark Cure album arrives and gets me reflecting a little too deeply. So what is the top tip exactly? 

When you find yourself slipping into Zebra Thinking, challenge it by asking, “What am I missing here?” or “Is there more to this than meets the eye?”

Firstly, don't worry about it and don't give yourself a hard time. We all give way to negative emotions now and again and tend to view things a little harshly.

Noticing that you're doing it is one of the main strategies to overcome it. To dilute the impact of black and white thought patterns, first give yourself permission to step away from thinking about things in extremes, the all-or-nothing trap, and instead why not grab your mental crayons and have fun colouring in the Zebra.

By doing so, you’ll find yourself feeling a little lighter and a lot more balanced.